When I became Nigel - the British guy with the bad accent!

I am pretty sure that when I was in College the Olympics were held in London.  Also at this time I was the President of our dorm counsel.  It turned out that the night of our meeting, was also the night of the ladies long program for ice skating.  There was NO WAY I was going to miss this night of skating.  We met in one of the big common spaces in the dorm.  I went up early and set up my portable TV so I could have it on and keep my eye on the screen during the meeting.  For some reason - and who knows what that reason was - I began speaking with a British accent and started calling myself Nigel.  The members of the counsel thought this was hilarious.  The secretary, Marsha, was awesome in writing the minutes.  Her minutes for this meeting was no exception.  Naturally when the skaters came on, the meeting stopped in its tracks.  The meeting would continue during the commercials.  Most of the members were not annoyed with me, but rather completely amused at my accent and my commitment to watching figure skating.  In the end, we managed to get our work done for the counsel planning activities and I got to watch my skating and teach my friends about skating.  As a side note - in my 30's a skating rink opened near my house.  Eventually I decided that I was going to take lessons to see if I did have the potential to be a figure skater, something I was told in my youth.  Turns out - I did - and though there are some regrets about not following that passion,  I know that there was no way  my parents could have afforded lessons and competition for me.  I did learn that for as easy as the skaters make it look, it is NOT.  Catching a blade, knocking yourself off balance, crumbling to the ice, sliding quite quickly on your back and butt into the boards at full speed is NOT fun.  I tip my hat to all figures skaters because that is one hard sport!!!!!

People, People Who Need People are the Luckiest People in the World

Part of the problem I am having now is not feeling comfortable around people.  If you know me that is not usually a problem for me.  This happened about 13-14 years ago.  It kept me from going into shopping malls and any place where I was inside and there were a lot of people. This time it is not quite so bad, though I still struggle with this a bit.  It was funny that yesterday, I felt that way a little, but because I was having trouble walking on the uneven surfaces and the distances - I did not have time to focus on that because I was concentrating on not falling.  I went to a tailgate - which was fun and everyone was really nice, yet I still found myself feeling like I needed to get lost in a wall somewhere.  Once I got into the stadium, I did not think much about all the people and just concentrated on the game.  It is funny because after a day like yesterday, and I suppose this has to do with spending the day with Anthony, I feel kind of lost and lonely because there is no one around.  It seems odd that my anxiety and panic kicks up in only certain situations.  I also think it is odd that I don't want to be around people and yet after I force myself to do that I feel better, but afterward the loneliness is worse.  Yes I have a dog and a cat and I love them to death, but they can't talk to me.  I can talk to them, and do, but they do not answer back except with their eyes, tales, and ability to cuddle.  I know there are others who deal with the same feelings, and that helps to know.  I just don't know where this came from.  I have not been like this for about 13 years - I feel like I've lost my mojo - and that is not a good feeling.

The Reason for the Season?

So I read this article this morning about how the pagans stole Christmas from the Christians.  The article was written about an article Kirk Cameron wrote.  I have always liked Kirk Cameron, but I believe he has gone just a little south.  I try hard not to judge and believe that we have to believe by faith - that is how this whole Christian thing seems to work.  I have done a lot of research over the years into the origins of Christmas.  There is nothing in the Bible that suggests Dec. 25th is the date of His birth.  Again, for me it is all about the faith and not about the facts.  In my study of this awesome holiday, I discovered that Christmas did seem to start with the Pagans.  As years have gone by, this holiday has changed and changed adding from various cultures and religious beliefs.  My feeling is that Christmas or the week of the solstice is a special time for everyone, for various reasons.  Why not just celebrate the holiday and then celebrate it specifically according to your own personal beliefs.  There seems to be so much overlapping in meaning.  For example - fire -  Fire brings light, light casts out darkness, and people need to find the light because it is safer in the light than it is in the dark.  Fire would have been pagan.  Jesus, as we know is The Light of the World.  Christmas trees maybe pagan, because we celebrate the beginning of nature coming back to life.  We put lights on the tree - sure for decorative purposes - but again it is the beginning of rebirth of nature, and symbolizes Jesus as the light of the world.  I hope you understand my thoughts here.  The date on which Jesus was born is just that - a date.  I am just thankful that He was born.

As I stated earlier - I do believe strongly that I am a Christian, but all this "my brand of Christianity is better than yours"  smells very much like what is going on in the Middle East between all these different religions.  Every time I hear another story about Christians fighting with Christians (and yes it happens here in the states) it makes me sick.  Jesus got a long with everybody.  He was friends with the lowliest AND he treated them with kindness.  Jesus didn't gather his disciples together to talk about what a bunch of losers those other people are compared to those that followed ME.  

I became a Christian because my friend Dean was one.  Dean was gentle and kind.  He was also caring and in his own way - loving.  These were qualities I had not found in any of my friends to that point.  After spending hours of time with him and his family, I decided I wanted what he had.  I guess this hits the arguments  about saved by grace or by works.  How about both!  Sometimes we need grace and other times we need to show the Christ that is in us.  I do think that "Jesus is the reason for the season" (I know so cliche')  but I do.  Judaism does not believe there is a Messiah that has come and they are still waiting.  Do I personally believe this?  No, but I respect those that do.  The same goes for everything else.  In their purest forms most religions have pieces that overlap.  There are ideas in Buddhism that fit wonderfully with Christian ideals.  Because I follow some Buddhist ideas, does that make me a bad Christian?  Some reading this might say yes, but in my heart (and that is the  most important part) I believe that Christ was the Son of God.

In closing - I just don't understand the hate found in many of the groups that are in my words "my way or the highway" - We are all people too - We need to stop this non-sense of fighting with each other over religion and start to take care of each other.  Those ideas are found in religions across the board and it is the one thing which we can all believe.

**  I did not write this to start a fight - or to get into arguments about what I have typed.  These are my opinions - and last time I checked I am entitled to them.  So you are entitled to yours - but if you want to go all negative on my butt - save yourself - if you want to share your thoughts - start your own blog and you too can share your feelings.

I am back at it after a break !!!

Looks like I need to write more - 1200 views - I kind of gave up thinking that not too many people were reading the blog.  I don't have but one follower - but now I feel new inspiration ...

So today was spent trying to keep my butt out of hot water financially.  The truth is for over a year now I have not made a study income.  I have been blessed by friends gifting me money, friends taking me to dinner, and friends giving me gift cards for the grocery.  I don't want to go into bankruptcy - been there - done that - but the amount of debt I have incurred because I have had to live off my credit cards - is now kind of staggering.  If I think about it I seriously have a panic attack.  So I try not to.  Come January things will start to change a bit - I hope.  The best was that dumb Bank of America took a mortgage payment out of both my checking accounts.  that was over 1200.00 - now if they apply the second payment to December that will be fine, other wise I will not have enough money to make it in December.

As I write this stuff - I just keep thinking about how this happened to me and why it happened - I know that I am more humble than ever - but between the surgeries, the severe depression, and the money problems - I could use some relief.

I do get some when I visit with friends - they have been some of the best times.  Catching up with high school friends has really helped too.  I get a real sense of support from that group - support I really need right now.  My other friends have been very supportive too.

One of my friends suggested about a month ago I start a GoFundMe.com page.  When she suggested it, I thought it would be an easy thing to do.  I discovered it wasn't and put it off.  Now that I see my money dwindling and no hope for much money coming in and bills to pay - it seems that maybe it is time.  This will at least help to offset some of medical bills I have incurred as well as making sure I can put food on my table.  I know that many of my friends are probably in a similar situation to what I am in - I understand - believe me.  When i hear someone say I don't have any money - I really get that now.  I think I got it before, but now i truly get it!

Guess I have rambled enough for now ... thanks for reading sorry if this was not very funny - I will get a funny one on here soon ... now that I know people are reading it!!!!